Crossing the Tracks for Love by Ruby K. Payne

Author:Ruby K. Payne
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: aha! Process, Inc.

CHAPTER 9

Hidden Rules of Raising Children

arents of every class love their children. For almost all parents, children are the deepest source of joy and/or sorrow in their lives. But the significance of having children and the greater meaning of children may vary by class. Consider the typical scenarios below.

You and your partner really want children. You want a son, and all your buddies laugh and say you must be “shooting blanks.” Before you were in a relationship you didn't really care that you didn't father a child. But now you want one. You wouldn't adopt. You want it to be your own flesh-and-blood son. You wonder if the problem is your partner. But you wouldn't consider going to a doctor to find out. You don't want him messing with anyone's privates—yours or your partner's.

Or…your partner is pregnant again. It's your fourth child. What the hell happened? You thought she was on the pill, but she forgot to take it. You didn't use protection. After all, it's her job to take care of it if she doesn't want to “blow up like a balloon” again. You had a big fight when you found out. You blamed her, she blamed you. Yet another mouth to feed; sometimes it's just too much. You don't have insurance either. You had a fight with the boss and quit the last job where you did have insurance. The job you now have is part-time and doesn't come with insurance.

You and your partner really want children. You don't care about the sex of the child as long as it's healthy. You and your partner have gone to several infertility specialists to determine the problem. Both you and your partner have had several tests done. You're willing to adopt if you can get a healthy child. It's very expensive, but you're willing to do it. You're also willing to adopt a child from another country.

Or… your partner is pregnant again. Neither of you is happy about it. It will be your fourth child and, while you have insurance, you clearly understand the financial costs. You're not sure how you're going to pay for college. You realize it will now be at least another five years before you can retire. You know you'll love and care for the child. It's just that the financial implications are almost overwhelming.

You and your partner want children but, after a year of trying, there's no pregnancy. The two of you have been to several clinics and learn that, in this case, she's infertile. To ensure the health of an adopted child, you make a major donation to a premier adoption agency. You're very specific about the health of the mother and prenatal care. You also carefully analyze the child's genetic background before giving your approval. The adoption will be extremely expensive, but you can afford it. You and your partner also look into using your sperm and having the fetus carried by a surrogate mother. Then, as a couple, at least half of your genetic lineage would be perpetuated.

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